Some of us were raised to believe smacking was “normal”, and many parents carry guilt or confusion around this topic. This isn’t about blame — it’s about what we now know from brain science and attachment research.

When a child is hit, their nervous system doesn’t learn a lesson — it learns fear, disconnection, and self-protection. Children may go quiet, but inside they are wiring beliefs about safety, trust, and relationships.

If you were smacked as a child, this is not a judgement on you. It’s an invitation to do things differently with the knowledge you have now. Repair, connection, and boundaries can coexist. You can be firm and kind at the same time.

Curious to hear your thoughts — what discipline approaches do you feel actually teach skills rather than fear?

Hitting a child isn’t discipline. It’s violence. It’s assault. It’s abuse. Protectors don’t hit. That’s the lesson we should be teaching. Children learn how to manage emotions by watching how adults regulate theirs. When we strike them, we model fear, aggression, and dysregulation as acceptable responses. So what are we really teaching? That losing control or becoming upset gives you the right to be violent? That is not resilience. That is trauma. Sadly for some it seems to be deeply unconscious and unprocessed.